she's just saying...

I'm so cool

My soccer-mom cream Subaru Outback station wagon's headlight was out. (This, and the second favorite forest green color, is the official car of the Bend School District. Or should be.) Neighbor X pointed this out and offered to help me change it. Since I am Independent Woman, I decided I would tackle it myself.

Remembering my mantra (one of them): "Girls can do anything," I drove to the auto parts store, had that momentary gut-flutter walking in the door (male-domination shopping anxiety), and strode purposefully over to the "Headlights" section. I had run through the lights in the parking lot to make sure I knew which one was out and had studied the manual, memorizing the part number before entering the testosterone zone. My goal was not to go up to the counter first and play the part of the helpless female asking for guidance from a patronizing clerk who gets to flex his superiority muscles. If you're a do-it-yourself female, you know what I'm talking about.

I found the part number easily, briefly negotiated the various brands and qualities of headlight, and grabbed the most techno-contempo package. Took it up to the counter where a very nice gentle biker-type helped me. I asked casually if this was something I could fix myself and added: "I'm pretty handy." He replied, "Well, if you're handy, it should be easy." We decided I should change out both at the same time as the brand I chose was "better than your stock bulb." (I need all the light I can get these days.) I paid and left, wondering if I actually was pretty handy, and sort of surprised I described myself that way.

Got home, mixed up a Bloody Mary for support (it's Sunday afternoon!) and studied the manual. Incomprehensible diagrams as usual. I popped the hood, fumbled around and figured it all out eventually. Changed out the bulbs and added anti-freeze for good measure. Checked that they worked, closed the hood and basked in that rush of pride, strength and satisfaction that comes whenever I accomplish a "guy's job."

Whoo hoo! I came back inside, turned on the Seahawks game and picked up my knitting, repeating under my breath: "I'm pretty handy," and feeling it.

Thoughts on being single

It's not easy to be single in Bend, the ultimate family town. It's not so bad if you're in your twenties, as there are a lot of snowboarders/mountain bikers/climbers/beer bongers/computer geeks to hang out with. It's when you're in your 40's and 50's and with a younger child that things get really tough. Older single guys have already left a family behind in most cases, and just want to be footloose again, partying, traveling and "taking long walks on the beach." (It's only two hundred miles away...)

But lest I sound negative, there's a lot to be said for being a middle-aged single parent. (Whee - sounds like fun, doesn't it?) I cook for Henry and myself only, and if I don't feel like it, I don't. I'll eat cheese and crackers or nuke something and he'll be quite happy with mac and cheese from the box (plus broccoli, of course!). We do whatever we want on weekends, whether it's hanging out watching sports and cartoons or heading out for an adventure. Nobody's asking for my time and attention, other than cats and dogs and Henry, all of whom are easy to please. And I have the bathroom/closet/kitchen/TV/bed all to myself, to be as indulgent as I want. There's no negotiation, compromise, misunderstandings or power struggles. It's all about me, and Henry.

OK, on the down side, no cuddles of the adult kind, other parental type to take over when H has got me beat, someone to do the dishes while the other does the bedtime struggle, no one to fix the disposal or lift out the air conditioners. For the heavy lifting, I rely on neighbors; the rest I shoulder by myself. It can be a little isolating, but at least I know what I can count on.

Reading this, I realize it portrays a somewhat negative view of marriage as a state of struggle, disappointment and appeasement. Yeesh - no wonder I'm single. But finally, really, I'm getting to be okay with it, and even pretty comfortable. You know my mantra: You Can't Have Everything.

Therefore, it's important to ac-cen-tuate the positive, e-lim-inate the negative and pour yourself another glass of wine.

Feels so good...

...feeling good again. Two months seems to be the ticket. What once was a painful ache is now a pang of regret. Whadda ya know?  It really does take time. "Every day, in every way..."

These days, work, Henry, kittens, dead fish (yes, he seems to have succumbed), baseball, knitting, work events, flag football practice, homework and oh yes, work seem to be filling my plate. I'm very happy with the new job - it's just right. I'm energized by it and challenged, and feel I can contribute substantially while learning new things, all critical criteria for the easily-bored. It's good to learn once again that I actually do like working, after the slow painful wind-down of Edge and an aimless summer.

This is turning into a catch-up blog, what with all the self-referential links. So, to round things out, Oreo is going under the knife on Tuesday, then is moving in with some friends of ours, so we get to see him grow. Some regrets, but right now he's in the pouncing and biting phase, so it's a little easier. It's actually kind of scary to have a very fierce kitten, claws out, determined to jump on your face and bite you. Over and over. Everyone's a little nervous around him right now.

Mowing

Dad and Henry, North Carolina 2003

I felt a little like my dad yesterday afternoon. Got all sweaty mowing the lawn, came inside, opened a beer and watched the ballgame.  Except I started knitting.

The Knit-Up has started a knit-along on fingerless mitts. These are very hot right now in the knitting world. I can't tell whether it's because they're so easy and gratifying to knit or whether people actually want to wear them, but they're fun. (Like socks, without the heel stuff.) They also make perfect little gifts, say, for 20-something nieces. (They don't read my blog so this won't spoil the surprise.)

I'm starting out easy on Noro mitts, then moving on to Fetching. a free pattern on Knitty.com. If you haven't been to Knitty (and you're a knitter), you're missing out. It's a young, hip, on-line knitting magazine with tons of free patterns and great writing. Check it out. Even if you don't knit.

Permission to say "I told you so"

Somehow I missed Tuesday and the Top Ten. That's what happens when you're not working. So here is "What was I thinking Wednesday" - Water Feature edition.

Steps to make simple little trickling waterfall down existing rock outcropping:

1. Dig hole.
2. Buy liner, pump, pvc pipe, extension cord, cement, caulking, pvc ball joint, tub, waterfall foam, liner tape, wide drill bit, pvc glue, wood putty, plastic edging, stakes, extension cord,
3. Inlay plastic edging and rock around the perimeter. Backfill.
4. Clean and patch cracks in rock (should have done before digging hole in front of rock) trying waterfall foam and cement.
5. Clean up and trim waterfall cement.
6. Measure for liner and pvc pipe.
7. Drill 2” holes in deck for extension cord.
8. Snake extension cord underneath deck by rigging up pole and hook, and using tape measure, flashlight and duct tape.
9. Set up and program timer, using directions written solely in Spanish.
10. Fill mistake holes in deck with wood putty.
11. Drill holes in tub for pump vault.
12. Measure even level all around hole, using 2x4, level, chalk.
13. Place underlayment of old rugs in hole.
14. Roll out and fit liner in hole and adjust folds.
15. Attempt to seal liner to rock with waterfall foam, cement, liner tape putty, roof caulking.
16. Assemble pump in pump tub.
17. Fit pipe around back of rock.
18. Fill the pond for wet test of pump and pipe.
19. Trim liner.
20. Cut pvc pipe for ball joint.
21. Glue ball joint to pipe, glue pipe to pvc joint that attaches to pump.
22. Re-attach liner to rock due to weight of water pulling liner down.
23. Add screening material to pump vault.
24. Put rocks in pond to secure pump vault.
25. Figure out how to secure pipe to top of rock.
26. Build weir on top of rock crack.
27. Adjust flow.
28. Place rocks around perimeter of pond to secure liner.
29. Hide pipe, extension cord, liner.
30. Landscape.

I'm on step #20 today. I haven't yet figured out #15 other than to drill into the rock, which I'm greatly resisting, probably futilely. Any ideas?

:30 sec. script

Establishing shot: Melissa watching the Red Sox/Angels game.  Pan to TV screen: Home Depot spot showing mom/child painting room together. Enter Henry.

Henry: That's what we should do. Look how fun it looks!

Melissa (reluctantly): Sure, honey, we can paint your room. You'll have to think about what color you want.

Henry: over his shoulder, out the door: Checkers!

Cut to shot of Henry's floor:

Fade out on Melissa, cursing softly.

Pioneer woman 2008

I'm feeling very self-sufficient and capable these days. Of course, you know some calamity will now smack me upside the head just for saying that.

Today I went from out digging the waterfall hole-to-hell to cooking up a fancy blueberry-nectarine crumble to buying macho things at Home Depot like concrete and caulking guns. Now I'm going to knit a little. A true Oregon suburban homesteader! Even though I don't raise my own chickens like my blogbuds Amber and Kathi [and what's with chickens and blogging, anyway?]

Here's an update on my water feature follies:

random materials and tools

This doesn't include the most important items like the pump, the pump filter and the hose, which I have to buy at a landscaping supply place on Monday.

Here's the hole, ready to be covered with underlayment (old carpet) and the incredibly expensive and heavy liner.

Every step in the process raises another unforeseen problem to be solved. One step forward, two steps back.  I really want to finish this, though if I turn on the water and the whole thing craps out, I may throw in the towel and hire somebody. 

What's your nemesis project? Did you give up or persevere?

Water World

Here in the high desert, water is scarce (though you wouldn't know it to look at our green green golf courses (34 at last count) or our acres of suburban lawn). Water's on my mind as I tackle the projects of summer: cleaning gutters, cleaning and refilling the hot tub, setting up the vegetable garden, installing more drip irrigation, and the exciting one right now: building a water feature. (I love the term "water feature" - it's such realtor/landscaper talk.)

My lot is blessed with a towering natural rock outcropping, unusual for our suburban neighborhood. I've always dreamed about a waterfall and pool in these rocks, and this summer I have the time and motivation to build it.

What I have in mind is more of a seeping spring down the rock, like you see on the sides of the road over the passes here. So I'm digging out the sandpit I built six years ago for Henry and reclaiming it for a lovely little trickling "feature."

It's hard, messy, dirty work, and I've never been known for my digging skills. It will either be a simple, enjoyable project or one of those projects from hell where you spend loads of time and money and then hire somebody to fix it all.

I've been doing a lot of internet research and have compiled my shopping list: a pump (submersible, magnetic, direct drive? What size?), PVC hosing, clamps, skimmers, filters, liners, etc. Tomorrow I'm going to brave the landscaping supply store and allow the men there to guide me.

That's how I've done a lot of intimidating efforts by myself: renovating a sailboat; becoming a scuba instructor; starting my consulting business; adopting a baby, landscaping my lot and so on. By researching and asking a lot of questions of helpful neighbors, professionals, and total strangers. I appreciated Amber's comment about learning how to do things alone - I've been managing most of my adult life, and it's a continual source of personal accomplishment and confidence. As my sister says: "Girls can do anything!"

What projects have you tackled alone and mastered? What have you gotten out of it?

Taming the wild kitten

Poor shot, but they were hiding under the toilet.

One of the insane interesting things I've done in the past few years is to foster kittens for the Humane Society of Central Oregon.

These are kittens who are too young to be adopted and need ongoing care. Sometimes they come with their mom, sometimes not. Depending, they may need to be bottle-fed, weaned or just socialized.

I'm known as the go-to gal for socializing the feral kittens. They come to me all hissy and terrified and they leave happy, cuddly, well-adjusted kittens ready to find their "forever family" (as we say in the adoption biz). Or at least they're supposed to. Every so often there is a kitten who prefers to stay wild, thank you very much. Those cats get sent to "the barn," a supposedly-real place where they can catch mice and play with cows all day.

So I now have four little hissies that I'm working on. It's best to separate them so they have to rely on you for companionship, but it's a painful process. Hearing pitiful kitten cries from four different spots in your house is a little nerve-wracking. And then you have to go around to each one and cuddle/feed/play with it. Good thing I'm unemployed!

My household and the whole neighborhood gets involved so the kitties can get used to dogs, cats and kids. It's fun, really. You get the cutest part of them and then when they turn into destructive maniacs you trade them in for fresh ones.

That reminds me of a story about Henry, my (adopted) son.  I was explaining a few years back that it was time to take the kittens back to the shelter to be adopted by their new families. He was silent for a moment, then asked in a worried tone: "Am I going to have to get a new family too?"  AWwwww.

Top 10 procrastination activities

1. Look up projects on Ravelry - the MySpace for knitters
2. Take more pictures of the cats
3. Sudoku!
4. Sharpen all the pencils in the house for Sudoku
5. The Jumble (but only if you're really desperate)
6. Pluck your eyebrows (don't get carried away with this one)
7. Google ex-boyfriends
8. Just one more row on the Clapotis
9. Deadhead the pansies
10. Think up top 10 lists

So what's on your list?  Commenting on blogs is a good one, for sure.

Gutter Therapy

Nothing like clearing gutters for clearing the mind!

The gutters had not been cleaned in 9 years. I remember, because I had just gotten Henry and some kind neighbors came over and cleaned them.

It was deeply satisfying. First, because they were completely impacted with juniper droppings and dirt; second, because it was on my to-do list for, oh, a couple of years. Now that I've accomplished it, I can do anything! I'm strong and self-reliant!(gutter affirmation).

Of course cleaning up the decks after cleaning the gutters is boring, dirty, hot and annoying. Hey, that's why we have kids! If I could just find him . . .

Next up on the list: washing the windows. And then maybe I'll tackle the garage.

Sudoku morning

Sat. am, originally uploaded by Meltrier.

This one was pretty easy for a 5+ star!

Too much time on my hands . . .

You can teach an old dog new tricks, as long as you have liver snaps.

Summer afternoon

Summer afternoon — summer afternoon; to me those have always been the two most beautiful words in the English language.
—Henry James, 1934

My garden evidently decided to get busy while we were away. Roses, daisies, daylilies, arugula,  hosta, clematis; everything went crazy. My peonies budded, bloomed and shed their flowers while we were gone, missing them entirely.

I'm very happy to be back. The unpacking, laundry, mail and cleaning can wait. My plan for this afternoon is to take a nap. Later I'll mix a lemon drop, sit on the porch, and watch the plants do their stuff; while the Bosox hammer the Yankees in the background.

What the 4th means to me

How about you?

Retainers!?

missing: top teeth

When Henry got his retainers I was thinking of starting a pool on when the first one would be lost and have to be replaced (for $100 a pop).

Too late! I think we got to 33 hours, during most of which they were not being worn. Back to the orthodontist tomorrow...

Ideas: what can a 9-yr-old do to earn $100? He made serious money doing radio voice-overs, but that went to the new bike. He's too young to mow the lawn, unfortunately. Maybe he could sell his old toys in a yard sale...

chicken

We had grilled chicken last night. But not just any grilled chicken. It was a whole organic bird. First I brined it, then butterflied it, then seasoned under the skin, then grilled it with mesquite chips. That's about as much as you can do to a chicken, and it was worth it.

I didn't take a photo, so you'll have to imagine the deliciousness.

In between the raindrops

I got productive yesterday. I planted seeds for peas, arugula and mint, put up the greenhouse, weeded the front beds, planted annuals in the patio garden and cleaned up the iris cutting bed. Whew. Photo to come.

I'm just saying no to tomatoes this year. They take a lot of babying, and there's an incredible selection at the Wed. farmer's market from beefsteak to heirloom in every tomato hue possible. I've got a nice patch of parsley, shallots and strawberries that have obligingly spread, and the asparagus is commencing nicely. I'm going to go with them, as they're clearly happy. I've started the herb boxes and will grow basil in the greenhouse for emergencies.

On the lawn front, I've come to peace with a patchy lawn as long as I have boys and dogs enjoying it.  I'm thinking of getting an electric mower. The reel mower is fun, but you have to go over the same patch a number of times to get a semi-smooth lawn. It's quite a workout, and not very efficient. Any recommendations?

Follow-up: too wet to take a photo outside, so I'm including this one of my lilacs - they're having quite a year!

the reel thing

Time to fire up the mower! Oh, wait, that's me.

I mow my small yard with a reel mower - I hate the sound and smell of gas mowers, and I really don't have that big of a lawn. It's a bit of a workout and it doesn't get you a smooth suburban manicured surface, but I feel very virtuous using it. I also grass-cycle (the ecologically-correct term for leaving the clippings on the lawn) and a reel mower does that very nicely.

My favorite part is trimming the edges. I don't "edge" (cutting a perfect line through the sod) but I do trim with an electric string trimmer. It's like giving the lawn a bikini wax. It's all so neat and clean after.