she's just saying...

Unfortunately, Melissa has nothing else to say

Via Kathi D (whose blog I keep telling you to start reading, for crying out loud), who stole it from someone else, who got it somewhere, etc. comes this mindless meme. (To my sister: a blog "meme" is a random game bloggers steal from someone else and call it a meme so they don't have to give anyone credit. It's a prime desperation move when you have nothing else to blog about.)

The "unfortunately" meme: go to Google, type your name and the word unfortunately in quotations, and share the results.

So here goes. I picked only the good ones to share - most of them are pretty damn depressing, actually. I ignored the fatal diseases and The Bachelor references:

---

Unfortunately, Melissa’s head would be the only thing I hit all day.

Unfortunately, Melissa is spotted by the killers, who are hit man Bruno Decker and his employer Rudolph Hartman, who turns out to be Walter's client.

Unfortunately, Melissa couldn't keep all her food in her mouth and off her chin.

Unfortunately, Melissa was a bad doll, a very bad doll.

Unfortunately, Melissa took her actions as hostile, and attempted to kill her.

Unfortunately, Melissa is very disorganized and is usually late and so this does not help her in her difficult quest. [Who told them??]

Unfortunately, Melissa is frequently adulterated with other aromas like lemongrass, lemon or citronella.

---

Well, I enjoyed that. So go try it and have some mindless laughs on me. 

From a random blog:

"Charlotte loves the water. Melissa loves the pigs and has bathed them and cleaned up after them the last couple of days.  Chris said she could pick up Charlotte without a squeal.  Unfortunately, Melissa was at work tonight, otherwise I’d have a picture of that."

Darn it.

As the French say, "comment?"

Hey! I think this qualifies as a  on Friday post!

Just when I think nobody but fowl-wear fetishists read this blog, I get some great comments on my posts. The posts I think will get lots of comments often don't, but other random ones stir my readers up.

Hear's a shout-out (do people still say that?) to my most common commenters:

Kathi D. She always entertains, she gets me, she's a great commenter and blogger, and her blog is my must-read every day.

YrBigBro, aka Steveh, aka Henry's uncle, aka any number of aliases. He was an early reader and a frequent and generous commenter.

Susan, my big sis. Occasionally ascerbic, but always honest and thoughtful.

Chris the Monkey, who does witty and elaborate photo illustrations on his own blog; even if he is a Yankees fan.

Elise and Jen, Bend women compadres who I never see but am in touch with via facebook, twitter, blogs and the like.

PJ, Sarah, Julie and Cindy, wonderful knitters and wonderful friends.

Together, the above folk account for probably 90% of my comments, and I hope I show up on their blogs as much.

Everybody else, please say hi now and then! Clearly bloggers are narcissists and attention-seekers; otherwise we wouldn't be broadcasting our blatherings to the interwebs. So we love knowing you're out there.

my sister knows my weaknesses

PS: I forgot KG! but that would make 11, so I wouldn't get my Top Ten tag. Hey, Kevin, thanks for reading/commenting! One of my first!  And your dad says hi.

Peppermint Teacake, a.k.a. The Black Gimlet

REAL NAME:
Melissa Trier Hochschild

WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s and father’s middle names)
Elizabeth George

NASCAR NAME: (first name of your mother's dad, father's dad)
Lester Moritz (could it be more perfect?)

STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name)
Hoc Me

DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)
Pink Kitten (This should actually be my porn name)

SOAP OPERA NAME:(middle name, town where you were born)
Trier Fox Chapel

SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd fav color, fav drink, add "THE" to the beginning)
The Black Gimlet – yeah, baby!

FLY NAME: (first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name)
MeHo (very fly, actually)

STREET NAME: (fav ice cream flavor, fav cookie)
Peppermint Teacake (not so much street cred)

ROCK STAR NAME: (current pets name, current street name)
Flash Albany ROCKS

PORN NAME: (1st pet, street you grew up on- OR- state you grew up in)
Cracker Field Club ( And this should be my detective name)

GANGSTA  NAME: (first 3 letters of real name plus izzle)
Melizzle

GOTH NAME:(black, and the name of one of your pets)
Black Bob (probably better than Black Muffin)

STRIPPER NAME: (name of your fav perfume/cologne, fav candy)
Gio Fudge (pronounced “Jo”). Hot.

---------------------

You guys have to try this - it's mindless fun, and who doesn't need more of that?

Post your best names here!

Helpful instructions from Go Daddy

Customer Inquiry:

I'd like to transfer my domain www.shesjustsaying.com to directnic.com. How
do I do this?

Melissa H.

Response:

Dear Melissa H,

Thank you for contacting online support.  In order to transfer your domain away from our services, please follow the instructions below to complete the necessary steps to allow your domain to be transferrable.

Cancel the Private Registration

The private registration for your domain is managed through Domains By Proxy, while the domain registration is managed by us.

You will need to log into your account with Domains By Proxy in order to cancel the privacy service. We have received the following instructions from Domains By Proxy for canceling private registration service for a domain:

• Go to domainsbyproxy.com and click on 'My Account'.
• Log in to your Domains by Proxy account.

-If you do not remember your Domains by Proxy login information, click on the 'Forgot your password?' link to retrieve your customer number and reset your password

• Once logged in, click on 'My Domains'.
• Check the box next to the domain(s) you wish to cancel private registration for.
• Click on 'Continue'.
• Confirm that you wish to cancel the registration by selecting YES.
• Click the 'Submit' button.

You will then receive an email regarding the cancellation. The domain will no longer appear in your Domains by Proxy account, and the cancellation will not affect any other services on the domain such as DNS or email. Please remember that cancellation of the private registration is not refundable.

If you have any other questions regarding the cancellation of your private registration, please contact the Domains By Proxy support staff using the following URL:

http://domainsbyproxy.com/Support.aspx

Unlock the Domain

To Unlock your domain name, you will need to follow the below instructions.

1. Go to http:// www.google.com/a and click on 'Returning user, sign inhere' on the top right.

2. Enter your domain and select "Manage this Domain" from the drop down and click 'Go.'

3. Now you will need to login to your Google account utilizing a username and password you previously created specifically for Google Apps for your domain. If you do not know this information, click 'Forgot your administrator username or password?'

4. Once logged in, select 'Domain Names' from the blue box that lists your domain.

5. Click on "Advanced DNS Settings".

6. You will now see listed your GoDaddy Google Sign-In Name, Password, and PIN.

7. Select "Sign in to DNS Console" in order to manage your DNS settings.

8. Now enter your Google Sign-In Name and Password listed on the previous screen.

9. You should now be in the Domain Control Center

10. Click on the domain name you need to unlock.

11. Click on the "Locking" button in the menu bar.

12. Select the radial button next to "Unlock" and click the "OK" button.

13. Click the "OK" button again on the "Processing" screen.

Request the Authorization Code

To request the authorization code for your domain name, you will need to follow the below instructions.

1. Go to http:// www.google.com/a and click on 'Returning user, sign inhere' on the top right.

2. Enter your domain and select "Manage this Domain" from the drop down and click 'Go.'

3. Now you will need to login to your Google account utilizing a username and password you previously created specifically for Google Apps for your domain. If you do not know this information, click 'Forgot your administrator username or password?'

4. Once logged in, select 'Domain Names' from the blue box that lists your domain.

5. Click on "Advanced DNS Settings".

6. You will now see listed your GoDaddy Google Sign-In Name, Password, and PIN.

7. Select "Sign in to DNS Console" in order to manage your DNS settings.

8. Now enter your Google Sign-In Name and Password listed on the previous screen.

9. You should now be in the Domain Control Center

10. Click on the domain name you need to request the authorization code for.

11. Find and click on the link "Send by Email" next to "Authorization Code" to the left of the domain details screen.

12. The Authorization code will now be sent to the Administrative Email address.

Please let us know if we can help you in any other way.

Sincerely,
Scott P.
Online Support Technician

If you need further assistance with this matter, please reply to this email or contact customer service at (480) 366-3700 and reference [Incident ID: 5535094].

Their commercials suck, too.

95 movies

Monkey in a box tagged me for this on Facebook. I love it when people provide grist for the blog mill!

First of all, this is a really odd list - I have no idea what the criteria were for these particular movies to be included and others not. Except, they all seem to be the 32-screen cineplex kind, vs. the highbrow stuff I watch. Yeah, right. I did get to 95...

Some of these are kind of embarrassing to check off, but I credit those to in-flight movies where there's no escape. And having a kid. He's old enough now that I can drop him off at the theater, so my count is going to start to lag.

Okay, here goes:

SUPPOSEDLY if you've seen over 85 films, you have no life. Mark the ones you've seen. There are 239 films on this list. Copy this list ... put x's next to the films you've seen, add them up, change the header adding your number, etc. etc.

You're supposed to tag others, so I'll tag my blog buddies over there on the right. You know who you are. And Bill. And Mark.

(x) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(X) Grease
(X) Pirates of the Caribbean
(X) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
( ) Boondock Saints
( ) Fight Club
( ) Starsky and Hutch
(X) Neverending Story
(X) Blazing Saddles
(X) Airplane

(X) The Princess Bride
( ) Anchorman
(X) Napoleon Dynamite
( ) Labyrinth--
( ) Saw
( ) Saw II
(x) White Noise
( ) White Oleander
(x) Anger Management
(x) 50 First Dates
( ) The Princess Diaries
( ) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
( ) Scream
( ) Scream 2
( ) Scream 3
( ) Scary Movie
( ) Scary Movie 2
( ) Scary Movie 3
( ) Scary Movie 4
(X) American Pie
( ) American Pie 2
( ) American Wedding
( ) American Pie Band Camp

(X) Harry Potter 1
(X) Harry Potter 2
(X) Harry Potter 3
(X) Harry Potter 4
( ) Resident Evil 1
( ) Resident Evil 2
( ) The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
( ) The Village
(x) Lilo & Stitch

(X) Finding Nemo
( ) Finding Neverland
( ) Signs
(x)The Grinch
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
( ) White Chicks
( ) Butterfly Effect
( ) 13 Going on 30
(x) I, Robot
(x) Robots

( ) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
( ) Universal Soldier
(X) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( ) Along Came Polly
(x) Deep Impact
( ) King Pin
( ) Never Been Kissed
( ) Meet The Parents
( ) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
( ) Joe Dirt
(X) KING KONG

( ) A Cinderella Story
( ) The Terminal
( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
( ) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumber & Dumberer
( ) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
( ) Halloween
( ) The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving X-MAS
(X) Flubber

( ) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
(x) Practical Magic
(x) Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
( ) Hellboy
( ) Secret Window
( ) I Am Sam
(x) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Whole Ten Yards

(x) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child's Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
( ) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
(x) Gothika
( ) Nightmare on Elm Street
(x) Sixteen Candles
(x) Remember the Titans
( ) Coach Carter
( ) The Grudge
( ) The Grudge 2
(X) The Mask
(x) Son Of The Mask

(x) Bad Boys
( ) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
( ) Lucky Number Slevin
(x) Ocean's Eleven
(x) Ocean's Twelve
(X) Bourne Identity
(X) Bourne Supremecy
(x) Lone Star
( ) Bedazzled
( ) Predator I
( ) Predator II
( ) The Fog
(X) Ice Age
(x) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
(x) Curious George

(X) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
(X) ET
( ) Children of the Corn
( ) My Bosses Daughter
( ) Maid in Manhattan
(x) War of the Worlds
( ) Rush Hour
( ) Rush Hour 2

( ) Best Bet
( ) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(x) She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
(x) Sideways
(X) Mars Attacks
( ) Event Horizon--
( ) Ever After
(X) Wizard of Oz
( ) Forrest Gump
(X) Big Trouble in Little China
(X) The Terminator
(X) The Terminator 2
(X) The Terminator 3

(X) X-Men
(x) X-2
(x) X-3
(X) Spider-Man
(X) Spider-Man 2
(x) Sky High
( ) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
(X) Catch Me If You Can
(X) The Little Mermaid
(X) Freaky Friday
( ) Reign of Fire
( ) The Skulls
( ) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
( ) The Hot Chick
(X) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2

( ) Swimfan
(X) Miracle on 34th street
( ) Old School
( ) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
( ) Krippendorf's Tribe
( ) A Walk to Remember
( ) Ice Castles
( ) Boogeyman
( ) The 40-year-old Virgin

(X) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring-
(X) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers-
(X) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King--
(X) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(X) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(X) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

( ) Basketball
( ) Hostel
(x) Waiting for Guffman
( ) House of 1000 Corpses
( ) Devils Rejects
(X) Elf
( ) Highlander
( ) Mothman Prophecies
(x) American History X
( ) Three

( ) The Jacket
( ) Kung Fu Hustle
( ) Shaolin Soccer
( ) Night Watch
(X) Monsters Inc.
(X) Titanic
(X) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
( ) Shaun Of the Dead
( ) Willard

( ) High Tension
( ) Club Dread
(X) Hulk
( ) Dawn Of the Dead
(X) Hook
(X) Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
(X) 28 days later--
( ) Orgazmo
( ) Phantasm
(X) Waterworld

(X) Kill Bill vol 1--
(X) Kill Bill vol 2-
( ) Mortal Kombat
( ) Wolf Creek
( ) Kingdom of Heaven
( ) the Hills Have Eyes-
( ) I Spit on Your Grave
( ) The Last House on the Left
( ) Re-Animator
( ) Army of Darkness

(X)Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(X) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(X) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith---
(X) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(X) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(X) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
( ) Ewoks The Battle For Endor--

(x) The Matrix
(X) The Matrix Reloaded
(X) The Matrix Revolutions
( ) Animatrix
( ) Evil Dead
( ) Evil Dead 2
( ) Team America: World Police
( ) Red Dragon---
(X) Silence of the Lambs
( ) Hannibal

Well, I hit 95. More than Monkey.

Random comments (25 of them)

Several blog/facebook friends (more on that topic in another post) have tagged me for this random things meme. I'm hesitant to do it, as it seems so self-centered (not that my blog isn't), but the masses are demanding it, so...

25 random things about me

1. I hate bell peppers. Any color.
2. I have a "hangman's thumb" - a short, stubby digit that is an inherited recessive trait. It looks kind of like a big toe on my hand. I used to be very self-conscious about it as a kid.
3. I sleep best in total darkness.
4. I'm a really good cook, but I don't like to share my recipes.
5. I can only remember phone numbers by the pattern they make on the dial pad. Or I use a cool utility to turn them into words.
6. I'd choose vanilla ice cream over chocolate, even in a milkshake.
7. I have two tattoos, one of which is visible in a bikini.
8. The only carbonated beverage I like is champagne, and an occasional glass of Deschutes Brewery beer.
9. I've never been very confident on a bike. I regret this.
10. I was an ACE-certified instructor and used to teach aerobics at Joey's Gym. (thanks, Dee Dee!)
11. I can speak, read and/or understand French, Italian and Spanish, at varying levels of competency.
12. I can change my front headlights.
13. I have scuba-dived (dove?) to 250 feet. It was a dumb thing to do, really.
14. When I was 10, my family lived in Mexico City for a year.
15. We had a rooster for a pet there. We left him with our maid, who hopefully didn't eat him.
16. I would love to own farm animals.
17. I got a perfect score on the verbal GRE tests for grad school. (So did my brother.)
18. However, I don't remember my times tables. (We're working with flash cards.)
19. I secretly believe that Henry's stuffed animals have feelings.
20. I love supermarket birthday cake, especially the frosting.
    
21. I kissed a girl and I liked it. Really stupid song though.
22. An old boyfriend and I once made out on a lifeguard tower on Venice Beach in the middle of the night.
23. Only three more! I like stale Peeps.
24. I set up the wireless network in my house by myself, including two TIVOs.
25. I own two TIVOs.

Note: I had a farm animal poster on here but it gets an inordinate number of click-throughs from google images, so I deleted it. What's with that anyway??

sacrificial mouse

Liana's prize for being the 7000th visitor to the blog.

Don't you wish you had won?

To clean or not to clean: is that really the question?

Once again, I'm losing the battle in my fight against the evil axis of clutter, dust bunnies, projects and piles of paper. (I realize that there's a direct inverse relationship here: the greater my knitting and blogging output, the messier the house. I don't know why that should surprise me, but it just dawned on me tonight. It was during the thought process: "Geez, this house is really a mess... I think I'm going to finish that baby jacket. Or wait, maybe I'll just write about it!")

I really don't want to spend all my "free time" (ha) cleaning, but I'm not comfortable with the level of disarray that results. I'm conflicted. I blame it on my mother.

I grew up in a messy casual home, with piles of clothes and papers everywhere and toast crumbs and jam spills on the counter. As a reaction, as an adult with my own place, I strive to have the kind of home Henry's friends all seem to have, where visitors can drop in any time, there aren't hammers sitting on the dining room table and everything is tidy and spotless (albeit a bit dull, IMO).

On the other hand, clutter is in my genome, and cleaning isn't. So I have a constant tug of war with cleaning up and making a mess, picking up and spreading out. Sometimes I'm on the winning side and the house hums with organization and rectitude. Other times, it veers dangerously into the hovel state. Which is where it is now.

Back when I had a non-non-profit income and a house cleaner, all was under control. I had to pick up regularly for her (a family tradition: "Clean up for the cleaning lady!" which we thought was ridiculously funny.) Frankly, it was great. A lot of money went toward that peace of mind, which is now unavailable (the money and the peace of mind). 

After a full day of work, gathering Henry, cooking dinner, doing dishes and the inevitable homework/bed wrestle, cleaning is the last thing I want to do. So I wipe off the visible part of the counter, shuffle papers around, cart stuff from room to room and move piles from chair to floor, not making much of a dent.

But here I am, writing to you, and I've made a lot of progress on the Baby Surprise Jacket:

taking shape

seven oh oh oh

This should be the day that this blog reaches 7,000 visits (see Sitemeter count below left). If you comment, I can tell if you're the one.

There should be some sort of prize, I guess: how about a custom hand-knitted catnip mouse?

Or maybe a coffee cup cozy for the feline-deficient. Your choice, number 7000.

Of course, since roughly half those visits were to find information on poultry outergarments (I'll never type those dreaded words again), I should knit one of those for the winner. But please don't make me.

 

The British Empire, and her chicken thing.

You may not know that I can track my blog traffic from online search engines. Roughly half my visitors find me through the search phrase "knitted chicken jumpers." (I hate to even type those words again, but whatever, I like traffic.) Almost all of it from various little villages in England.

Obviously, there's a great interest in fowl outerwear there. Is it because so many chickens have been defeathered? Is it due to a great love of flightless birds in general? Is it code for some kinky fetish? What's the deal???

It's clear I should design a knitting pattern and post it on my blog, to drive up my traffic count for one thing. I could resize the whippet sweater...

I'm not going to link to the original story that got me to this point -- just check out the popular search to the right if you must. I'm kind of bored with the whole thing, frankly, and you probably are too.

However, for those who like their poultry live, I'm happy to share some little-known facts about these birds, courtesy of the wildlife curator at the High Desert Museum:

1. A chicken will lay bigger and stronger eggs if you change the lighting in such a way as to make them think a day is 28 hours long. [Kathi D: be sure to tell us how this works for you]
2. The chicken can travel up to nine miles an hour.
3. There are seven distinct types of combs on chickens: rose, strawberry, single, cushion, buttercup, pea and V-shaped.
4. The largest chicken egg on record was nearly 12 ounces and measured 12 inches around.
5. The greatest number of yolks in one egg is nine.
6. The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds.
7. The waste produced by one chicken in its lifetime can supply enough electricity to run a 100 watt bulb for five hours.

You're welcome.

Don't even ask...

Two things about everything

There's a theory that for every subject, there are really only two things you really need to know. Everything else is the application of those two things, or just not important.

For an example, for trading, all you need to know is:

1. Sell high
2. Buy low

Of course, someone started a blog meme about this that I ran into recently, and I thought y'all would enjoy this little exercise. So, to get you started, here are my entries:

Two things about management:

1. Praise in public, critique in private.
2. Your job is to help them do their jobs.

Two things about client service:

1. Clients don’t like surprises.
2. Always tell the truth.

Two things about being a valued employee:

1. Make your boss look good.
2. Don’t blame others, but always give credit.

Two things about marketing:

1. Find the end-end-benefit.
2. Make it crystal clear. 

Two things about market research:

1. Identify the real objective.
2. Only ask the need-to-know questions, not the nice-to-know.

Two things about PR:

1. Perception is reality.
2. Perception is created.
   

Two things about single parenting:

1. You have to do it all yourself.
2. You can’t do it all yourself.

Two things about blogging:

1. It’s really not about you, it’s about your readers.
2. Don’t post anything you don’t want your mother or your next employer to read.

OK, your turn!

Top Ten: Year in Review edition

You know the purported Chinese curse: "May you live in interesting times." This has been an interesting year, both globally and personally. Because this blog is ALL ABOUT ME, here is a top ten list of interesting things that happened in my life this year. (in chronological order - I'm not about to rank them!)

1. I started the Bend Knit-Up, which grew from six people to over a hundred in a year.

2. My dad turned 90, and we all celebrated together in NC and everyone got along.

3. AT&T bought Edge Wireless, and we no longer had any work, though we still had jobs.

4. Neighbor X and I broke up, got together, and finally broke up.

5. I taught myself the whole blogging thing, that which you are reading at this instant.

6. Henry and I went back east for a family trip and went to Fenway. Go Sox!

7. We were finally released from AT&T, though were still paid, allowing me a summer off.

8. I spent the summer off shoveling dirt and hauling rocks for my waterfall.

9. I got a new job at the High Desert Museum - yay! and patted a badger.

10. My dad broke his hip and I flew back east for the third time.

What were your interesting times?

Bob makes the front page

We're so proud...

 

more animals

CC #5: Christmas, The Soundtrack

To follow up on Kathi D's post (you know my motto: Steal from the Best), Christmas is all about the music. For hip 'n' cool folk like Kathi and me, this also includes the smirky ironic variety. She cites "Merry Christmas from the Family" by the great Robert Earl Keen, to which I added “Even Santa Gets the Blues” by Marty Stuart, and “Please Daddy Don’t Get Drunk at Christmas" by Kelly Willis and Bruce Robison (a great alt-country couple by the way. Right up there with Buddie and Julie Miller). There are plenty more out there, I'm sure.

I have a not-so-secret Christmas music habit. I'm a sucker for unusual compilations, the Starbucks CDs, new arrangements of classics, unexpected genres. I make a compilation CD of Christmas music each year to give to friends. Last year's ranged from Billie Holiday to El Vez, and included surf rock, the vibes, bluegrass and Louis Armstrong. Since I have all new colleagues this year, I smartly recycled it for 2008. 'Cause it's that good, IIDSSM*. Here's the playlist:

Baby It's Cold Outside: Zoey Deschanel & Leon Redbone (from Elf)

I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm:  Billy Holiday

Frosty:  The Ventures

Trim Your Tree:  Asylum Street Spankers

Merry Christmas Baby:  Charles Brown

Christmas Song:  Mr. Majestic

'Zat You, Santa Claus?:  Louis Armstrong

That Was the Worst Christmas Ever:  Sufjan Stevens

Jingle Bells:  Duke Ellington

Mele Kalikimaka:  Chris Isaak

Feliz Navidad:  El Vez

I'd Like You for Christmas:  Julie London

All I Want for Christmas:  John Waite

Christmas (Baby Please Come Home):  Death Cab for Cutie

Even Santa Gets the Blues:  Marty Stuart

Skating:  Vince Guaraldi Trio

What Are You Doing New Year's Eve:  Nancy Wilson

Auld Lang Syne:  David Grisman

Of course, I couldn't burn this for you. That would be wrong. I'd hate to spend Christmas in jail.

Though it would make a good song.

This doesn't even include the downloads...

[*if I do say so myself, duh!]

Crying fowl

Seriously. Do not blog about what I mentioned in my previous post. I myself will never mention the topic again. I can't handle the idea of all these visitors finding my site in their search results, clicking on it and hitting their "back" buttons as quickly as possible. I'm feeling rejected. I'm not what they want. I may be able to face this in my personal life, but it's just too much on my blog.

On the plus side, my site counter now reports over 5000 visitors, so that's pretty cool. However, two-thirds of them appear to have handmade poultry outergarment fetishes (I can't repeat the actual words).

MOVING ON...

Here are some gratuitous wild animal shots. I can't compete with Kathi D and her random celebrities, but how many people can post photos of themselves petting a badger?

                                Or posing with a turkey vulture?

                              

Good times, as they say.

I've found the secret to grow blog traffic

Post frequently about sweaters (or "jumpers") for chickens.

There's a huge untapped market for information about chicken knitting. (Knitting for chickens, not knitting with chickens.)

Personally, I will not only talk about chicken knitting, I plan to start posting patterns, samples, measuring guides, appropriate yarns for deflecting pecks and poop, and a gallery of comely hens modeling the latest styles. Kathi D, stand by to shoot your chickens. (With a camera, not a gun, of course.)

My traffic count will go through the roof.

Chicken sweaters

I forgot: the other very popular search that brings up my site is about knitting sweaters for chickens. This is what they're searching for:

From the BBC: 

In from the cold: chilly chickens given a winter warmer

How would you feel? One minute you're in a warm battery shed [laying shed] squashed up alongside someone who's pecking out your feathers - the next you're out in an open field with nothing to protect you from the elements. Thank the Lord for chicken jumpers...

Queenie and her three friends are feeling the cold a little more than most this winter.

Recovered from a battery farm in November last year, they were largely without feathers and - away from the artificial heat of the chicken sheds - have been feeling the winter weather.

But owner Brigitte Hawley from Benenden has come up with a clever way of allowing her hens to enjoy the outside world, while being as snug as their more feathered friends. (BBC video clip)

A knitted chicken jumper - or 'Chux Tux' as Brigitte calls it - is the latest must-have item for feather-challenged chickens exploring the brave new world outside of the battery.

Poultry pullies

The 'Tux' can come in different designs depending on which parts of the bird are in need of insulation. Brigitte can also create poultry pullies in a variety of colours.

These hens have all been re-housed by the Battery Hen Welfare Trust, a charity that works with farmers to give a new lease of life to 'spent' battery hens when their egg productivity starts to take a slide.

The good news is that once out in the open - and with the help of a Chux Tux - the hens soon start to re-grow their feathers. Great news for Queenie and for the next reformed battery hen to inherit her winter coat.

How's that for a sneaky way to repeat a post?  Um, Kathi, time to learn to knit . . .

I'll be watching you

I'll let you in on a little secret bloggers share: we know where you live. And how you got here.

There are website traffic counters that, depending on how much you pay, can tell you all kinds of things about your readers. I like to maintain a little mystery in my life, so I don't pay for the Big Brother version. However, I can tell readers' general ISP geographic location and the referring site,  search engine or other webpage.

For some reason (my scintillating, stimulating thoughts?) Google has a little thing for me, and I seem to pop up on a lot of searches. The most popular searches that bring up my blog are:

1. six words to describe your life
2. entrelac felted knitting
3. taming a wild kitten
4. stone soup lessons

These searches constitute about 30% of the traffic to my blog. Obviously I'm not what they're looking for, as they click and move on.

I also get a lot of visitors from Bend Blogs (hi there, Jake!). About half my readers are from the Bend area, though I've gotten visits from the UK, Canada, Ukraine, Nairobi, South Africa, Japan, Australia, Finland, etc.  Boy, I bet they were surprised!

Anyway, don't worry, your identity is hidden for the most part. But it does give you pause about how and where you're being tracked. Someone knows you visit that Kenny Rogers fan club site.

Worthless post alert

Top 10 reasons I have nothing to blog about today:

1. I'm too busy doing 4th grade homework.
2. My life is boring.
3. Everybody's hungry: cats, dog, Henry, me.
4. I have just enough time tonight to knit, not blog.
5. I'm kind of down today.
6. No baseball.
7. My knitting projects are a secret til Dec. 26.
8. Dishes and laundry, both dirty.
9. You deserve better.
10. I've run out of things to list.

Nothing, zero, zip, zilch

Well, that's it, dear readers; it's happened. I have nothing to say this morning. I'm a blank. So, apparently I'm blogging about having nothing to blog about, which is very "meta" I guess, or else really boring and pointless. So therefore, I invite you to blog for me today. What do you want to talk about?

Wait, I can make a reader meme out of this: pretend you have a blog and write today's post. Go!