she's just saying...

Being and Nothingness

I read that book once, in the original French. It meant nothing to me in a foreign language.

I got nothing these days. Nothing going on, nothing on my mind, nothing to post about. Everything that has happened to me this summer I've already written about last year or the year before, and with more energy.

I've entered a state of being, not blogging. Not a bad place, really just one of nothingness. So now what happens to the blog? I could:

1. Scan the blogosphere for popular memes and copy them (unlikely)
2. Develop a clever survey soliciting content ideas from y'all (too much like work)
3. Take a lot of showers (where most of my inspirations hit)
4. Just re-post the good stuff from the last two summers - would anyone notice? 
5. Declare the era of the personal blog over and shut 'er down.

Ideas, anyone? Or have I already lost you all?

"I don't have to prove... I am creative"

 - Talking Heads, Artists Only, 1977 

What does it mean to be creative? And can we answer it in this blog post?

Several people have called me creative lately, referring to a knitting project, cooking experiment or blog writing.

But I wouldn't call those things creative. Maybe crafty, or handy, or glib. Though I suppose if you mean I'm creating something, well, then, yes, I can turn yarn and needles into an apple cozy. I didn't design the thing though -- I'm just good at following instructions (most of the time). And my blog writing is not art. (No, really, it isn't. But thank you for saying so. Oh, you didn't?) I admit I'm good with words, an adaptive skill for the youngest of four overly verbal siblings. But it's not litrachur.

When I think of creativity, I think of art, writing, music, dance, sculpture, design... inspired expression.

Quote on my bulletin board:

"Any activity becomes creative when the doer cares about doing it right, or doing it better." - John Updike

I like to think that's true. Sometimes I like to do things right, and better. Then other times I just want to get the damn thing done. Is that the difference in being creative or not?  Hmm.

I have no idea what this chart is trying to say about creativity.

40,000 hits. Of which 19,999 are looking for poultrywear.

MyBigSis just pointed out that my blog has racked up 40,000 hits.

Of course, as ad folk know, this is a completely specious number (love that word). Any time some misguided soul clicks on a search result for flamenco dancers, chicken knitting, neosporin, biathlete knitters or yeti costumes and ends up on my page it counts as a visit. Even when they instantly leave, having realized that this blog is completely irrelevant for their needs. I do hate disappointing them all. Except for the sock fetish searchers who I'd frankly rather not have hanging around here.

It could be 40,000 different people visiting me once, or 20,000 people and a crazed stalker - I'm not interested enough to actually pay for traffic analysis. I do have a little (free) tracker that can sometimes identify where a particular viewer lives, and it says that Number 40,000 lives in Madison, Wisconsin and came here directly, i.e. typed in my blog address. Who are you, Madison, Wisconsin? I'd love to know. There may even be an apple sweater (not chicken, sorry) in it for you.

I think this means "Congratulations, you've reached 40,000 hits." Or she could be complaining about having to wear those big red bowling balls on her head.

And the lucky winners are...

Before I announce the winners, I have to explain the selection process.

 First I had to disqualify family due to obscure but specific state rules governing sweepstakes. You want me to go to jail? Plus, if I give you stuff now, I'll have nothing left for Christmas. 

Next, I decided to eliminate all previous contest winners, with the aim of spreading the wealth. Sorry guys, but if I told you that first, you wouldn't have commented. Call it bait and switch. So sue me.

Then, I had to take out Kathi D (not literally) as she was already a weiner, er, winner.

That left three people, of whom two were new commenters who both get two entries. So, five little slips of paper were carefully made and tossed into my coffee cup from which to pull the winning names. Unfortunately, I neglected to empty the cup of its old coffee first, so all the entries got soggy and illegible. Rather than start over, I decided to award a little knitty bit to each. So, without further excuses:

The Winners!!

• Lonnie, you lucky dog (KG, tell him what he wins)
• Jen, a faithful supporter who can be blamed for this whole blog thing to begin with
• Carrie, a brand new commenter whose location is still a mystery

Further, you get your choice of knitty bit:

1. Apple cozy
2. Cup cozy
3. Catnip mouse

And family will just have to stand in line. Christmas is only eight months away...

Two years down. Only 37 more to go!

I decided when I hit 90, I'm going to stop blogging. I'm sure by then we won't be typing anymore, just dictating or mind-melding or whatever new technology the future brings.

I blew past my blogiversary 11 days ago (April 8, a day that will live in infamy). I guess as Monkey said, it's not quite as exciting anymore. Or, to put a more upbeat spin on it, it's now such a part of my daily life that I don't think about it as a milestone to celebrate.

I want to thank y'all for reading, commenting, linking, reposting, lurking and all the other things you do to show your interest in my effort. I always write with you guys in mind, challenging me to keep it funny, light, thoughtful, goofy, ridiculous and always ENTERTAINING. You're insatiable, really. The pressure! Anyway, thanks.

So, in the long tradition of blogiversaries, I'm offering another contest to the faithful. All you have to do is comment on this post, be that lucky slip of paper in the hat and wait for your prize. Every comment gets a chance and FIRST TIME commenters get two chances each. And Kathi D wins a prize for most prolific commenter, just because.

And the prize? 

An absolutely adorable apple jacket! Keep those Cortlands cozy in their very own snuggly sweater.

I'm giving away two of these babies so ping me back with a cogent comment and cross your fingers.

Drawing will take place Friday night after a round of gimlets. As the lama says, you must be present to win.

PS: Facebook comments don't count toward a prize...

Yes or No?

OK, another random wacky meme, this one from a few Facebook pals. I'm only doing this because I want a certain someone else to answer as well. Those who wish to play can copy/paste into an email or Facebook note. C'mon, try it! It's fun! Or at least it's a good way to waste five minutes at work.

"You can ONLY answer Yes or No.

You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone asks, and believe me, the temptation to explain some of these will be overwhelming. Nothing is exactly as it seems.

Tag your friends, etc. etc."

Kissed any one of your Facebook friends? -- Yes
Been arrested? --- No
Been in a fight? --- No
Fallen fast for someone? -- Yes
Regretted a relationship? --- No
Been in a tornado? --- No
Stayed in bed all day? --- Yes
Kissed someone you didn't like? -- Yes
Slept in until 5 PM? --No
Fallen asleep at work/school? --- Yes
Held a snake? -- Yes
Ran a red light? --- Yes
Been suspended from school? ---No
Experienced love at first sight? --- Yes
Totaled your car/motorbike in an accident? ---No
Been fired from a job? --- Yes
Fired somebody? --- Yes
Sang karaoke? --- No
Pointed a gun at someone? --- No
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? --- Yes
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? --Yes
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? --- Yes
Kissed in the rain? --- Yes
Swam in the ocean? --- Yes
Been to a concert? --- Yes
Laughed till you cried? ---Yes
Kissed on the first date? -- Yes
Had a close brush with death (your own)? --- No
Seen someone die? --- Yes
Played spin-the-bottle? --- Yes
Sang in the shower? --Yes
Smoked a cigar? ---Yes
Sat on a rooftop? --- Yes
Smuggled something into another country? --- Yes
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes? ---Yes
Broken a bone? --- Yes
Skipped school? --- Yes
Got a speeding ticket? -- Yes
Eaten a bug? --- Yes
Sleepwalked? --- No
Walked a moonlit beach? ---Yes
Rode a motorcycle? --- Yes
Dumped someone? --- Yes
Seen a baby born? --- No
Lied to avoid a ticket? ---Yes
Ridden in a helicopter? --- No
Shaved your head? --- No
Played a prank on someone? --- Yes
Hit a home run? --- No
Cross-dressed? --- No
Been falling-down drunk? --- Yes
Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? --- Yes
Eaten snake? --- No
Marched/Protested? --- Yes
Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? ---Yes
Puked on an amusement ride? --- No
Seriously & intentionally boycotted something? ---Yes
Been in a band? --- No
Knitted or crocheted? --- Yes
Been on TV? ---Yes
Shot a gun? ---No
Skinny-dipped? ---Yes
Gave someone stitches? --- No
Eaten whole habenero pepper? --- No
Ridden a surfboard? --- No
Drank straight from a liquor bottle? --- Yes
Had surgery? --- Yes
Streaked? ---No
Taken by ambulance to hospital? ---No
Passed out when not drinking? ---Yes
Peed on a bush? --- Yes
Donated Blood? --- Yes
Grabbed electric fence? ---No
Eaten alligator meat? --- No
Eaten cheesecake? --- Yes
Eaten your kids' Halloween candy? --- Yes
Killed an animal when not hunting? --- Yes
Peed your pants in public? --- No
Snuck into a movie without paying? ---Yes
Written graffiti? --- No
Still love someone you shouldn't? --- No
Think about the future? --- Yes
Been in handcuffs? --- Yes
Believe in love? --- Yes
Sleep on a certain side of the bed? --- Yes
Been walked in on having sex? --- No
Forged a signature? --- Yes
Stolen from a store? --- No
Been bungie jumping? -- No
Won the lottery? --- Yes
Visited more than 15 countries? --- Yes
Gambled in a casino? --- Yes
Given a public speech?---Yes

Chart geek

I thought I'd ease back into this posting thing with a frylet. So tasty, so salty, so pleasing to find at the end of the workweek!

This is so much more clever than I could ever be. I stole it from here, a fascinating site for data wonks. To be of which I am proud.

Can this blog be saved?

What, you've given up on me and stopped reading? Okay, I admit, I've been a bit distant lately - maybe it's my fault. Let's try again! I know we can get back on track. How can we work this out? Or is it too late for us?

This is a two-way relationship, you know. You're all just take, take, take. You could step up here and fill in for me - that's what friends do, right?  Are you incapable of picking up the keyboard and doing a little post now and then? Am I asking so much?

Sorry, you're right; it's me, not you. I'm just so unmotivated lately. Maybe I need vitamins. I don't know, it's all just so much sometimes. It's just that you expect so much from me -- I've got a lot on my plate, you know. I could just use a little support.

No, no, I know you support me. I love it when you comment - it makes me feel so loved. You're really good to me, really. You do so much. I hope you know how much I appreciate you. You're the best.

But really, why is it all on me? Yes, yes, I know it's my blog and you shouldn't be expected to do my work. You have your own blogs to manage, I realize. But, really, aren't we a partnership? I know I'd help you in the same situation. I don't want to play the blame game. I'm not blaming you, really. I'm sure you mean well.

You know, let's just drop it. We're both a little upset right now. Maybe we need a little time apart. Or maybe we just need to spend a little more time together, just enjoying each others' company with no expectations. But of course, somebody's got to post around here. I mean, this blog isn't going to just take care of itself. Fine. I'll do it. No, it's fine, really. It's no problem. I'd love to. I do it all for you, you know. It's the least I can do. Love ya', mean it!

Meta-post

This post intentionally left blank.

[The "meta" or self-referential nature of this is that the post isn't blank if it actually says something, even that it's blank. Get it?]

Would someone please send me a topic to write about? How about this: I'll write something on the first three suggestions I get. As long as they're not nasty.

Kind of a scary challenge, but I'll try anything right about now...

...just as long as they spell my name right.

where the magic happens

The local alternative weekly, the Source Weekly, asked me recently to write a personal article about blogging. And now I'm blogging about my article about blogging. Now that's meta.

Anyway, they didn't spell my name right in the byline, though they did in the little bio after the article. They also didn't publish my photo, for which I'm thankful. But no matter. They got the blog name right.

I'm still not quite sure why they wanted this article, other than the reporter telling me she reads my blog and enjoys it (hi, Sara!). The issue was the Women's Issue, though primarily focused on women in the work world. Also, I'm over 50, which I'm sure the Source didn't know because if they did I'd have been banned from publication. 

I used to work at an alternative weekly in Boston, the Boston Phoenix. I was the traffic manager, in charge of making sure all the ads ran that were scheduled. And all the local clubs would call in to me with their band listings for the week, which was kinda fun for some reason. What I remember most is the coincidence that my sisters' high school friend worked there. (shout out to Clif here) And all the futon ads.

That experience is actually what propelled me to get an MBA and go into advertising. The place was wildly stressful and chaotic (these were the days of physical paste-up. It's when the layout artist actually - oh, never mind.) The national cigarette and liquor ads would come in from the ad agencies all nicely finished with paperwork and such. They seemed so professional.So calm. So organized. Ha.

Since my major from a private East Coast liberal arts college was Art, I clearly needed more education, so I got an MBA in marketing and was recruited by an NYC ad agency actually on Madison Avenue. The rest is history.

So I have a soft spot in my heart for alt weeklies, even if they not proofread so gud.

Does it count as sunny if you have no shadow?

Bend boosters like to quote the statistic that we get 300 days of sunshine here -- it counteracts the Oregon = rain perception people hold. Everyone quotes the same number: 300. Realtors, the Chamber of Commerce, the medical clinic, golf resorts and the local HVAC company all repeat this frequently. (With the notable exception of a surly curmudgeon whose entire blog exists to dispute this number.) I'm not sure how the "300 days" stat was compiled, but I'm just saying we'd better see sunshine non-stop through New Year's if we're going to hit that this year.

Due to the frequent brilliant sunshine there's a interesting phenomenon that occurs in Central Oregon around February and March. By now we're seriously bored with winter and start to believe that sun = spring. People shed the down and fleece and run around in shorts and t-shirts. Myself, I stop wearing jackets to work and start leaving the doors open, until I realize I'm freezing. 35 degrees is 35 degrees whether it's December or May.

(There's a subset of guys who wear shorts year-round here. They tend to be of three kinds: snowboarders, 30-something dads who pretend they're snowboarders, and the UPS guy. The shorts are the long cargo-type, so at least we're spared large flashes of goosebumpy flesh.)

The kids immediately wear tank tops (gals) or take their shirts off (dudes) and hang around the park downtown. By the way, I seem to have turned into the kind of mom who says: "Those children must be freezing!" How did that happen?

Then it turns gray and cold and rainy again and we remember it's only February.

I'm happy to report that I'm in a far better place than I was this time last year, when I wrote this depressing post.  Wow. Good thing I didn't have my biathlon rifle back then.

Where the cool kids hang out. And the geese. On a much nicer day than today.

Top Ten Tues: boring details edition

Drowning Girl by Roy Lichtenstein

What idiot said: "Don't sweat the small stuff -- and it's all small stuff"?

Actually, he's right, it pretty much is all small stuff. But it all has to be sweated, or it won't get done. Then what do you have?? The fabric of our society torn apart, rather than just fraying at the edges.

I'm having one of those nights. Here's what I'm obsessing about:

1. Henry's 11th birthday tomorrow - I haven't planned anything
2. Buying cookies for Henry's class on the way to work in the am
3. Finishing videos and the website for the new exhibit we're opening Thursday
4. Flying out at 6 am Sat. for a knitting retreat
5. Organizing Henry for the weekend, complete with ski stuff
6. Valentines Day (the day I return) - cards, candy, etc. for H.
7. Ravelympics 2010 - a knitting event during the Olympics (I'm on Team Hopelessly Overcommitted)
8. Calling my parents
9. Getting Flash to the vet, and oh, who's going to watch him this weekend?
10. Fixing the leak over the kitchen window - needs professional help

Sometimes it's all too much. Nothing to do but have another glass of wine and tackle today's Sudoku. Or whine about it in a blog post.

What do you do when you're being sucked under by the small stuff?

Coolest. Quit. Ever.

Sun Microsystems CEO Jonathan Schwartz announced his resignation yesterday through a haiku on Twitter.

"Today's my last day at Sun. I'll miss it. Seems only fitting to end on a #haiku. Financial crisis/Stalled too many customers/CEO no more"

I don't know about you, but I'm pretty impressed. It almost makes me want to follow my Twitter timeline again. Of course, if you had to tweet in haiku it would be a hell of a lot more interesting.

What would you write if you were a Twitter quitter? In haiku?

I actually love my job, and believe me, I'm very aware of how lucky I am. So I don't even want to write a hypothetical resignation, in case it jinxes me somehow.

However, I'd just like to point out the following:

*From wikihow: "A haiku is a non-rhymed verse genre, conveying an image or feeling in two parts spread over three lines, usually with a seasonal reference. There are 5 syllables in the first sentence, 7 in the second and 5 again in the last sentence. ...

It is important to distinguish between pseudo-haiku that says whatever it wants in a 5-7-5 syllable pattern and literary haiku that adheres to the use of season words, a two-part juxtapositional structure, and primarily objective sensory imagery."

Sorry, Jonathan. Major points for style, taken away for pseudo-haiku. I'd say you should keep your day job, but I guess you just trashed that option.

Meanwhile, I'm now fired up about attempting to write a haiku, something I haven't done since 4th grade. And of course, I'll share my work with you, dear readers. And I'm challenging you to do the same!

England must be catching a chill...

because hits on my posts mentioning handmade fowl outergarments are WAY up.

Wouldn't it just be easier to just glue their feathers back on?  OK, I concede it might not be easier, but certainly more permanent.

Or cutting up old sweatpants and making drawstring ponchos?

Or how about electric blankets, as in our favorite book "Click Clack Moo?"

(click on the little thumbnails to see more)

• 
• 
• 

I'm not going to spoil the denouement here, but it involves the duck.

Maybe knitting a cape is the easiest, actually. Seems like a weird way to spend your time, but I really can't talk, having knit several apple cozies lately.   

Christmas greetings! Naughty or nice?

As I mentioned, I don't send Christmas cards. Or, I do send them, just virtually: a blog post to all!

First, the family-friendly card:

  My Central Oregon readers will note that this is a Western-Oregon-centric card. The Bend version would have to include cyclists, burning buttes and roundabouts.

For the rest of you (you know who you are),

Apologies to my Christian readers. Do I even have any?
(Don't answer. Rhetorical. Really.)

"You like me. Right now, you like me." *

*Actual transcript of Sally Fields' 1985 Oscar acceptance speech.

Tonight I went to a Christmas event for the Board I'm on. While I was mingling, a young elected official who I admire began to praise my blog to all around us. I was so surprised -- I didn't know she knew of it, and she clearly was a frequent reader. She said she felt like a part of my life. I was so pleased, and frankly stunned.

[She also told me this great story about the Baked Goods Christmas Tree she won but that's another post.]

I know some of my regular readers: there's the blog writing crowd (linked over there on the right), some coworkers and my family, but who else?  I have no idea. (Sorry, but I don't count the chicken-sweater seekers. They don't care about me -- they just want poultry patterns.)

It's such a self-indulgent exercise, writing a personal blog. I have nothing much to talk about except my ever-fascinating self. I keep myself entertained, but I'm always so taken aback when I hear from others who enjoy it. That truly feels like a gift from the universe. 

So here's to you, known and hidden readers. For you I search for new topics, I edit my words carefully, I sit down and write even when I have nothing to say. I don't know how long this blog will continue (I'm beginning to bore myself, frankly), but as long as you're out there, I'll keep trying. Kisses and hugs, love you, mean it and all that. Hope you had a Happy Hanukkah. (We'll discuss Christmas later)

I just got a lot more creative

I use Flickr to store and post my photos. Within Flickr there's an editing app called Picnik. It's a terrific, flexible editor that quickly crops, resizes, corrects color, red eye, exposure, etc.

Yesterday I clicked on another tab in Picnik titled "create." That function allows you to add text and images and effects to photos. So to play with my pictures, I don't have to open an involved photo editing program - it's all in one place, for free.

For example, it can do this:

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Nativity

OMG. Thank you, Kathi D, for pointing out this blog.

This is my favorite pic so far...

Nativity

Top 10 Tuesday: blogging tips

I'm actually a little hesitant to post this entry, because what do I know about blogging tips, and am I implying that my blog is a successful model?  Seriously. I get about 82 readers a day, most of whom are looking for fowl outerwear. (Yes, that's fowl with a "w." Check out the "poultrywear" category over there to the left). Or zucchini risotto, though that's died down since zucchini season has passed. Or 10 ten annoying songs, G.I. girls in glasses, ant farms, you name it. It's a little weird out there.

Anyway. I don't consider myself a Writer so I won't give you composition pointers. Just the blog guidelines I follow - made to be broken, of course.

1. Post at least 3 times a week - quantity is as important as quality. And don't make the posts too long. We have very short attention spans out here in blogland.
2. Don't write anything you don't want your mother or your boss to read, because they will.
3. Remember who your readers are and try to aim posts at them, though not all at the same time.
4. But don't make it too cliqueish if you want new readers.
5. Use daily themes if you like (like today's), but don't be rigid - sprinkle judiciously. They get  tedious.
6. Encourage comments and reply to them. Be nice.
7. Other bloggers are your best audience. Read and comment on other blogs, and reciprocate blog links.
8. Jot down thoughts whenever they happen 'cause they'll be gone in an instant. 
9. Link and list your blog on Facebook, local sites, blog catalogs, etc.
10. Use lists, memes (blog games), random blog links, silly news, etc. if you run out of content ideas. That's why it's a blog.

Again, this is assuming you want to build your readership and community. If you don't care about that, write whatever and however the hell you want! It's your blog!

 

A meta-comment comment

It has come to my attention that some blog readers are unaware that there is a place where they and other readers can read and leave comments regarding posts.

See down there under this post where it says in 6-pt. type: "Comments"? Just click that to open a whole new world of blogging richness.

In regard to my own blog, most of the comments are actually funnier than the original post so you're definitely missing out if you don't read them.

For example, regarding Bend Broadband's new slogan: 

Liana said...

My first impression of that motto was that it makes it sound like they are being "forced" to do a good job. Like they wouldn't be under pressure to do quite as good a job if they weren't serving locals. ...

Would it be any better if they changed it to "We the local dog..."?

Ha!

And in regard to my recent brush with the law,

Kathi D said...

I would never speed. Or break the law in any which way. No, never.

To which I say:

Right.

See what you've been missing?